The Gift of Trust

I think one of the most priceless gifts you can receive is the gift of trust. I believe we as humans are constantly looking for someone that we can share that trust with. Weather its family, a friend, a loved one or anyone else! We want to feel that trust! At times I think we have all been guilty of giving that trust away to someone who may not have deserved it, or that deserved it but in some way betrayed that trust you shared.

The first time I remember an incident of loosing that trust with someone was when I was about 8. As a group of friends we were always hanging out together, having fun! Sure we had our little boy scuffles, but after its all said and done we were friends once again. One day when I went to play with Brett Finlayson, as I came around the corner of his house I noticed that Matt Futch was at his house. We were all in the same group of friends and it was a normal thing. But this time it was much different. As I came around the corner they saw me and ran back into the house. I went around the block on my bike and went by again, they were back outside!... Now the details are a bit cloudy on how it went down but somehow I found out that Brett would not play with me because Matt told him he did not like me! I was young, the situation to my parents probably seemed silly, but I still remember how hard it was to breath as I was going home crying. The pain that my young heart felt from the betrayal from a friend! I went home and cried to my mom, and looking back even though it was just little kids being silly she helped me through the pain that I felt! As typical boys we were all friends again, probably a day later or so! But I will never forget the feeling I felt when the trust my young heart had in my friends was lost.

Over the next few years I know I felt that same feeling multiple times! In college I met a girl that I really started to like a lot! It was the first time I had a form of love for a girl. After a few months I saw her at her place cuddling with another guy watching a movie! Just like when I was 8, my chest hurt, I couldn't breath and when I went home crying once again my mother was there to comfort my heart.... Again after my mission, the first "real" relationship I was in. I had never given my heart to someone as much as I did her! And to this day I still don't think she realizes how much trust I put in her by opening my heart to her! I never said I loved her, but its was the closest I had been with any girl! After a series of events of being heart broken, I decided that I could not do it anymore and ended what relationship we had! It was by far the hardest thing I had to do. She was only the 2nd girl I had ever cried over before and after that point. But when everything happened I no longer was the tough 22 year old man! I was the 8 year old boy once again! Walking back to my place heart broken, couldn't breath, crying! And once again that 8 year old heart did the first thing it knew what to do... Called my mom, and once again she was there for me!

So why do we do it? Why do we continue to give our hearts, our trust to people that continue to hurt us over and over again? Why do we continue to open our hearts to girls that break them over and over again? Why do we continue to make friends with people who betray us over and over again? Even when we think there is someone that is different, a friend, a lover that is not going to do that, chances are it will happen! So why continue to put ourselves down that path? Would it be easier to never open up? never trust anyone?

My answer is NO!!

Why I'm not 100% sure! But I also know the best times I had as a kid were when me, Brett and Matt would go out and ride out bikes or hang out! The most fun I have had in the past are with friends that I have given myself to. The times when I am most complete is when I'm spending my time with a girl that I have given my whole to! With every betrayal and tear, come many good moments along the way! Moments I would not give up for anything!

So at the prime age of 25 when I am forced to make decisions on who I should trust, who is going to be there for me! Or what girl I should date! I wish I could say that everything is fine and all my friends are trustworthy! But thats not the case! Recently some friends have lost my trust, some breaths have been lost, some tears have been shed and hard times have gone by! Will this be a future changing thing? Or will it be like when I was 8 and tomorrow be fine? The answer I do not know! But there are 2 things i know for sure

1 - We have to be willing to put our feeling and self on the line. Give our all to some relationship! We will shed many tears along the way, have many hard times, but we will also have many great ones!

2 - When everything else has failed, when no one wants to hire you, when your friends don't wanna be friends, when a girl you like ignores you! When your heart hurts, its hard to breath, your crying and you feel like you cant go on anymore! There is always someone home waiting with open arms to help you! The people you know will never betray that trust you put in them! I love my family for all they are and don't know where I would be without them!

Times may be hard, tears may still keep comin. But when its all said and done! I will look back and say... IT WAS WORTH IT!!